Anxiety vent
25/09/2019 00:20![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bateliteI want to vent about my anxiety a little.
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Considering that you've found and are reading this, you almost guaranteed know that I have anxiety. A lot of it. I have been having a lot of it lately, and I'm weary.
I am tired of constantly trying to gauge people's feelings of me, associating times and actions that in reality tend to be pretty meaningless. I don't want to worry that I'm too active or anxious for someone, or that confirming that with them won't set them off.
I am tired of spending hours thinking and trying to word a message carefully, so that hopefully my intent comes across clearly, and then realize a potential mistake half a day later and oh god what if they take it wrong and react badly maybe I'm an asshole-
I hate spending every idle thought all day thinking about something I need to do or might have done wrong or about how someone might be feeling. Chances are I can't do anything relevant at the time anyway.
There's use to being cautious and the like, sure, but it doesn't need to be constant for days. It doesn't need to get set off by the smallest things or suspicions. I want some days that are gentle, not filled with anxiety and dread and hoping I didn't fuck up.
It tends to be most days now, if not for one cause then another following (almost) immediately on it. I don't even know if the people involved are actually helped by it or if I'm just being a selfish dick. You'd think for the amount of anxiety it gives me, I'd stop being so adventurous trying to interact with people.
---
Considering that you've found and are reading this, you almost guaranteed know that I have anxiety. A lot of it. I have been having a lot of it lately, and I'm weary.
I am tired of constantly trying to gauge people's feelings of me, associating times and actions that in reality tend to be pretty meaningless. I don't want to worry that I'm too active or anxious for someone, or that confirming that with them won't set them off.
I am tired of spending hours thinking and trying to word a message carefully, so that hopefully my intent comes across clearly, and then realize a potential mistake half a day later and oh god what if they take it wrong and react badly maybe I'm an asshole-
I hate spending every idle thought all day thinking about something I need to do or might have done wrong or about how someone might be feeling. Chances are I can't do anything relevant at the time anyway.
There's use to being cautious and the like, sure, but it doesn't need to be constant for days. It doesn't need to get set off by the smallest things or suspicions. I want some days that are gentle, not filled with anxiety and dread and hoping I didn't fuck up.
It tends to be most days now, if not for one cause then another following (almost) immediately on it. I don't even know if the people involved are actually helped by it or if I'm just being a selfish dick. You'd think for the amount of anxiety it gives me, I'd stop being so adventurous trying to interact with people.
