Musing on affection
08/07/2018 12:36![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bateliteSomeone asked last night to people how they prefer to do affection. I don't know if it's a direct answer, but I wrote a bunch last night.
---
Now that I've been brought to think about how I do affection, I tend to make gifts for people online. I worried (and still do somewhat) that I do so in part to bribe them into being my friend. (I feel like people in general will agree that friends have something to offer you, and I might take that more literally than I should)
I seem to draw and write much easier (still with considerable procrastination at times) when it's for someone else. I've never done commissions. I've been told I write well and nicely. My drawing skills aren't amazing, but they're good enough to be readable and I'm at least good with colour.
I think that might be the case in a couple of instances. But it's dawned on me that among other reasons this gifting of things (writings, drawings mostly. The writing is either longform or during RP.), this showing off is a way I like to show affection to people. I doodle out a bunch of the inane things I and my partner come up with not because I think they're all that good (I don't spend more than a couple of minutes on each) but because I want to show how I envision things. I know she doesn't think visually, I do. I want to give them glimpses of their world coming to life before them. When I draw a certain someone as a giant, a catgirl and a dragon (all different drawings) it's also to show "I care about/for you", maybe because I can't improve their life in other ways. (Their shyness about it is also very fun to me, but that's a bonus.)
With longform writing I really end up describing in what way I love the person. What I'd do with them if they give me narrative control. I like demonstrating my (apparent) skill to people, and I don't think it's just to show off. It's also tell them they're worth the effort.
When it comes to RP (and I'll count shorter writing, like a toot's worth (500 characters) under this too because it's feasible for the other party to respond to.) there's a more performative aspect to it in that I'm trying to craft concise and elegant things often at short intervals. My rampant fantasy and associative ability help lots with that. I like taking and involving people in flights of fantasy. I know I could give my partners curt but affectionate things, but crafting detailed situations with them is much more fulfilling. (and often more worth saving after the fact.)
Conversely to all this, I just today saved a whole bunch of things me and my partner did over the last five or so months. I don't look at a lot of them, but I treasure them because she cared enough to write things for me, and I cared enough to write to her. I also trust that they'll eventually be buried under new posts and I'm not entirely trusting the servers hosting them to keep my loving safe.
Veering lewder
I think a rather basal thing I like in lewding is feeling like I'm desired and chosen. Even if the other party is handling me rough I'm never...expendable. Not everybody else with the same anatomy will do. Part of *me* is important. I'm not sure it's always apparent in my fantasies though.
One thing I like that I have come up with is being decorated in jewellery and draped fabrics, then kept safe as a prized possession. (I suppose it could well be described as a harem thing, but I've not yet ever imagined anyone else in the same situation.) A sort of gifting myself to someone, though the jewellery and stuff is usually not mine.
I'm pretty sure I was going somewhere with this yesterday night when I wrote the bulk of this.
Final remarks
For one thing, I hope I'm not explaining away just trying to bribe people. That'd be terrible. Gifts aren't the only way that I'm affectionate in either, and I don't want anyone reading this to think I don't appreciate them because I haven't done anything. Nor do I want to set a precedent or cause myself to feel obligated to make people stuff.
For the person who asked the question in the first place, I suppose this is a pretty successful answer?
---
Now that I've been brought to think about how I do affection, I tend to make gifts for people online. I worried (and still do somewhat) that I do so in part to bribe them into being my friend. (I feel like people in general will agree that friends have something to offer you, and I might take that more literally than I should)
I seem to draw and write much easier (still with considerable procrastination at times) when it's for someone else. I've never done commissions. I've been told I write well and nicely. My drawing skills aren't amazing, but they're good enough to be readable and I'm at least good with colour.
I think that might be the case in a couple of instances. But it's dawned on me that among other reasons this gifting of things (writings, drawings mostly. The writing is either longform or during RP.), this showing off is a way I like to show affection to people. I doodle out a bunch of the inane things I and my partner come up with not because I think they're all that good (I don't spend more than a couple of minutes on each) but because I want to show how I envision things. I know she doesn't think visually, I do. I want to give them glimpses of their world coming to life before them. When I draw a certain someone as a giant, a catgirl and a dragon (all different drawings) it's also to show "I care about/for you", maybe because I can't improve their life in other ways. (Their shyness about it is also very fun to me, but that's a bonus.)
With longform writing I really end up describing in what way I love the person. What I'd do with them if they give me narrative control. I like demonstrating my (apparent) skill to people, and I don't think it's just to show off. It's also tell them they're worth the effort.
When it comes to RP (and I'll count shorter writing, like a toot's worth (500 characters) under this too because it's feasible for the other party to respond to.) there's a more performative aspect to it in that I'm trying to craft concise and elegant things often at short intervals. My rampant fantasy and associative ability help lots with that. I like taking and involving people in flights of fantasy. I know I could give my partners curt but affectionate things, but crafting detailed situations with them is much more fulfilling. (and often more worth saving after the fact.)
Conversely to all this, I just today saved a whole bunch of things me and my partner did over the last five or so months. I don't look at a lot of them, but I treasure them because she cared enough to write things for me, and I cared enough to write to her. I also trust that they'll eventually be buried under new posts and I'm not entirely trusting the servers hosting them to keep my loving safe.
Veering lewder
I think a rather basal thing I like in lewding is feeling like I'm desired and chosen. Even if the other party is handling me rough I'm never...expendable. Not everybody else with the same anatomy will do. Part of *me* is important. I'm not sure it's always apparent in my fantasies though.
One thing I like that I have come up with is being decorated in jewellery and draped fabrics, then kept safe as a prized possession. (I suppose it could well be described as a harem thing, but I've not yet ever imagined anyone else in the same situation.) A sort of gifting myself to someone, though the jewellery and stuff is usually not mine.
I'm pretty sure I was going somewhere with this yesterday night when I wrote the bulk of this.
Final remarks
For one thing, I hope I'm not explaining away just trying to bribe people. That'd be terrible. Gifts aren't the only way that I'm affectionate in either, and I don't want anyone reading this to think I don't appreciate them because I haven't done anything. Nor do I want to set a precedent or cause myself to feel obligated to make people stuff.
For the person who asked the question in the first place, I suppose this is a pretty successful answer?
